home » stories » by mesearch within stories
Family Stories
A potpourri of stories about various family members or events
Babysitting from the Grandparents
Let me start by explaining that my parents had six children and that Marcia's parents had five. This many children can cause some parents to not be inclined to jump at opportunities to babysit their grandchildren. Additionally, by the time we had children, Harold was then married to Gladys (after Marcia's mother died when she was 14). Gladys had never married before, since she was the youngest child in her family, and she helped take care of her parents until they died (her mother died in 1960). While Gladys was an aunt, she did not have many natural parental tendencies, though she was certainly willing to try. Additionally, when Tim was quite young, my father started dealing with medical issues and my mother was involved with his care. These comments are meant to help explain the level of involvement of these two pairs of grandparents. To clarify, both sets very much welcomed our children when we visited and desired to engage with them. It was just rare for either pair to make offers to babysit.
I don't remember Harold or Gladys ever initiating an offer to babysit, but I may be wrong. As told in the story of Carrie's birth, we did ask Harold and Gladys if they could help watch Tim after Carrie's birth and they were willing to do so with no hesitancy (or least not shown). Occasionally, we also had them watch either Tim or both Tim and Carrie for a few hours if we had some event in St. Cloud. However, in every visit we made, Harold and Gladys both expressed an interest in the children, though perhaps Harold more so. He would often play with Tim, and later Carrie.
While my Dad was alive (before 19 Mar 1985), I don't recall any offers to babysit except when we were all up at the cabin. Then my parents offered to watch either Tim or both Tim and Carrie so that Marcia and I could take a canoe ride or a walk. Some time in June 1982, after my school was out, we asked my Mom if she could watch Tim so that we could have a night out. We dropped him off in the early afternoon and drove to a northern Minneapolis suburb, and spent the night at a hotel, catching dinner and a movie. We then picked him up about 24 hours later. Since Dad had already had his surgery in late 1981, at this point in 1982, Mom was a little freer to do more than largely care for him, so this is why we asked her. While it went OK (he was 3), she still never offered to babysit while Dad was alive.
After my father died in 1985, we moved to Indiana for my graduate work. While Mom visited us there, and we also went to MN, it was not as natural for babysitting opportunities. Shortly after moving to Pella, where I started teaching mathematics at Central College, I was invited to participate in a two-week NATO Advanced Study Institute entitled “Generators and Relations in Groups and Geometries” scheduled for April, 1991. All of my expenses were going to be covered at 100%. When my Mom learned about this, she asked me if I would like to take Marcia along while she stayed behind and took care of Tim (12) and Carrie (8). We were both thrilled about this and gladly accepted. While there were a few challenges for my Mom, things generally went well. I know we thanked her several times, but today, as I write and I am thinking of this, I should have mentioned it again at different points in her life to let her know of our appreciation of this gift.
Near where we stayed for two weeks
We spent a day in Florence on the Sunday between the two weeks (and in Tuscany on the preceding Saturday)
Our last night at the fancy resort (Il Ciocco) in the mountains.
We initially flew into Pisa and then at the end we took a train from Pisa to Rome. Both times I forgot to look for the Fibonacci museum in Pisa.
From the top of St. Peter's Basilica
Six years later, when Tim was 18, Carrie was 14, and Christina only 4, Mom again offered to babysit so that Marcia could join me at the annual Joint Mathematics Meetings in San Diego in January of 1997. I think this was a brave choice on Mom's part, and I guess that the two older ones were perhaps a greater challenge than the younger one. I am guessing that Mom reflected on Dad going off to meetings and her never joining him, and she wanted to give Marcia and me some time together. It was very generous, both this time and while we were in Italy. We spent an extra day or so and spent some time with my cousin Susan and Marcia's Aunt Helen Felter. We had a good time.
After we had lunch with Susan
Marcia loved the oceans. Here we are at Point Loma, San Diego.
Marcia and her aunt Helen
When Tim and Carrie started having children, when we visited them, we tried to reciprocate. We offered the parents a chance to get out for a meal or an outing at first, and later for them to spend the night, as the kids were older. On Marcia's last trip (December 2018 to February 2019), we had our best opportunities. While we were not even sure if she could make it to Tim's (due to Marcia's health), when we got there, we had booked a week at a nice hotel not too far away. One night, we had Ben and Adalyn join us for an overnight for a bit less than 24 hours, and earlier (on New Year's Eve), we let Tim and Chelsea have our room while we watched the kids at their house. As we got ready to leave Florida and decided to try to head to Texas to see Carrie and Daniel, we told them to plan some time away and leave David with us. As it turned out, they had already made plans to attend a performance, and they were able to enjoy the entire performance while David was in our care. (Or was this the year before when he was born?) After Marcia's death, I was able to watch David while Carrie and Daniel went out, and I think I did the same for Tim and Chelsea. This spring, I will be watching Tim's kids for two nights while the parents have some time away. I am hoping Daniel and Carrie can do something as well. I am glad to pass forward the benefits I received, and I hope to have many more opportunities in the future.
As an addendum to the original version of this story, I have enjoyed being able to host a grandchild at the cabin with me for a week or more in many of the years since Marcia died.
Published 2021-03-11. Revised 2025-08-12.
If you find any error(s) in the text, please let me know. Thanks. Contact me with errors or comments using hibbardac@gmail. [Back to the top] [About the author, Al]
Carrie's birthlisting of family stories by me Need Something To Do?